Unlocking the Truth of Said 8th Grade Metal Band (Yeah, They Suck, Get Over It)

Metal, everyone who’s in wishes other people would just stay the Hell out.  A huge portion of it thrives on the underground fanatic, that type who covers themselves in logos until their skin is practically made out of cloth, who purchases everything on cassette for some God damn reason, who knows what metal is, and what is not.  That’s why stuff like this is so irritating.  Unlocking the Truth are an ironically named “metal” band, more properly speaking thrash metal, out of Brooklyn, created by a trio three kids around the ages of 12 and 13.  Now, hey, stop before you run off on a comment box hate tangent, it’s pretty cool to see kids writing music of the metal variety, no doubt.  But the recent explosion  of these guys from practically nothing into a Sony contract that fronted them $60K before anything else was said and done is irritating.  It’s not irritating because they “made it,” good for them, it’s irritating because they made it on the fact that they made it for reasons that don’t hinge on talent, because they really can’t play “the metal” at all.  Before you type in those captchas to spew the evil upon us, keep reading for a dose of unlocking the reality.

 

What, how could you you monster?  Because that’s what we do around here.  The writers around these parts are versed in metal, like all of it, not just those Nirvana guys, or Bush, or Maroon 182.  Most of us have lived metal and extreme music since we were about the age of these three, and to the credit of Unlocking the Truth that’s awesome.  It’s awesome to see youngins spreading their musical minds outward into avenues the usual radio listener would never dare tred, because that’s what can make a human being unique, curiosity; stepping out of the norm.  And after that comes hard work, which these three have been doing, playing their hearts out in Times Square to onlookers.  Better seeing that than some guy dressed as Spongebob putting a cup on a fishing rod in front of my face.  We’ll take that any day for a street show and coin bucket.  After a few minor stage performances, these guys got the buzz, and it kept coming.  Good for them, but why?  Is it because they’re so God damned awesome you’ll never listen to another metal band again?  No, it’s because they’re kids and everyone seems to think that’s frikken cute.

 

 

So let’s get serious, if you check out their Facebook page link above, you’ll find a single song (at the time of this writing, same one right above), and it sounds like it was recorded in a garbage can about 100 years ago before recording was invented.  What’s that mean?  It’s terrible, so terrible if they were the usual age for a thrash band, somewhere around 60, they’d receive scores of 0 out of X from every review zine, site, and mag on the planet and they’d never even finish a demo in time to get their street cred back.  But to be fair, that song up there’s not the only thing you can find, there are tons of videos about these guys, including this one of them performing at Times Square which showcases their better riffage.

  

And hey, some of those riffs are decently average.  That’s where we return to our original question.  Why?  It’s simple, gimmick for profit, and the gimmick here is that people thought it was cool that a couple of kids were playing metal at an average level, and that in itself made it sound more awesome than it really is.  Around here we’ve heard practically everything in thrash, stuff so stellar it makes it a shame that something like this gets more attention than bands that are actually really good at what they do, but that’s, again, a symptom of  modern internet disease.  Something catches because of an unstated idea that really means nothing in essence, and it explodes and everyone capitalizes on it, even us.  But here, though we might get a few more hits in the process, maybe some more likes, maybe some hate even, we’re not afraid to say the reason we did it was to be honest.  These guys, Unlocking the Truth, are symbolically titled, because the truth is they’re not anything great, basically not anything at all.  Give it some time, hey, maybe, but for all the hype at moment based on their current material they’re not nearly what they should be in reality.  Seriously, they’re already signed up for a documentary and a book deal?  How even?  This kind of bullshit is amazing, it’s amazing the human race is so stupid.  Hopefully these guys, in their defense, milk this stupidity for all it’s worth without getting exploited in the process.  If you’re interested in some real thrash, check out some Blessed Curse, maybe Toxic Holocaust if you want to put your toe in the genre and call yourself legit, or some Nocturnal Breed if you’re instead interested in leaving the hip behind.

 

Written by Stanley Stepanic

4 Responses to Unlocking the Truth of Said 8th Grade Metal Band (Yeah, They Suck, Get Over It)

  1. Ok, so they’re not as phenomenal as most metal titans with a huge catalog are but I’ve seen them do guitar flips, I’ve seen the guitarist riff with one hand and hammer the cymbals with another and dive back in, I’ve seen ‘em cover puppets, do tapping riffs and lots of other cool tricks. Now the composition is decent, it’s not stellar but keep in mind that they never really look at the fretboard (in the recent video’s that I’ve seen) and their parents don’t like metal so idk where they got the influence from but they kill for their age and practice more than any band I’ve ever known. They’re good and dedicated to their craft. There is a story behind them and it is interesting. They’ve got chops, presence and can only get better from here. I’ve seen onterviews and they aren’t phased. They just want to play. They are everything that’s right about music. Interesting to look at, in it for the music and it’s only the parents that care about the $ from what I’ve seen.

    • Stanley Stepanic

      Appreciate the honest commentary, Brian. This isn’t about metal titans, though, and it’s not really about the band, if you read carefully it’s more of a flaming attack against popular culture and its views on metal. Are they average? Sure, like I said they have some cool riffs going on and it’s awesome to see kids their age getting into it because they want to, but this does not a good band make, unfortunately, and the only reason they’re riding on high right now is because they’re young and people think it’s awesome for the wrong reasons. The “everything that’s right part,” well I hope so for their sakes, too many stories of children being taken advantage of in the entertainment industry, would be sad to see a minor thrash band get the knife because of greedy corporate, but the money is already flowing so we’ll see.

  2. Some Dumbass On The Internet

    I’ve been into metal for a very long time, and I have to agree with what you’ve said, Stanley. I hope, I really do hope, that these kids manage to grow musically and develop into a force to be reckoned with.

    But I doubt that any of the adults involved in their career are looking at it that way, especially Sony. I think they see Unlocking The Truth as the latest boy-band sensation, with the same expected shelf life as N’Sync or One Direction or whatever — five years, tops.

    A few minutes ago, after I read your column, I got to thinking about Old Skull, the punk band that was briefly famous in the late ’80s because all the members were kids. They got all sorts of media coverage, made a couple of records, played with big-name bands. I realized that I hadn’t heard about them for a long time, so I looked them up on Wikipedia. The band is long-gone, and two of the kids in it (brothers) are dead.

    I hope Unlocking The Truth isn’t headed for a similar end. But what I really hope is that the band members’ parents understand that the music biz is probably going to chew these kids up and spit them out by the end of this decade. If that happens, the kids are going to need to view it as an expected outcome, not the end of all their hopes and dreams and reasons to be.

    • Stanley Stepanic

      Well said. Old Skull actually popped in my head while I was writing this one. I thought about mentioning it, but I skipped it to focus on them instead. I can even remember seeing those kids on MTV back in the day. Two dead? Depressing and forgotten.

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