Hammerhands – Glaciers
Awhile ago during one of our Quick n’ Dirty reviews, we gave a nasty review of a band called Hammer Fist and now this is a review of a band called Hammerhands, so the real question and the point of this review is what is tougher – a fist of hammer or hands of hammers? Continue reading if this question has been bugging you since the moment you crawled out of your mother’s putrid vaginal cavity that so many men still get the hardest hammercocks this side of the Mississippi.
To begin this duel, I will not talk about Hammer Fist at all because they’ve been reviewed, only Hammerhands, a band straight outta’ Compton (actually suburban Ontario but fuck the details). They’re but a mere four-piece of gentlemen who sling sludge and chant messages of doom all in one convenient package and this package is convenient in the sense that you already feel like you’ve been indoctrinated and hazed into the cult of Hammerhands without having to go through the arduous process of finding a lamb, drinking its blood, and fucking the corpse. This makes Hammerhands stand out because they are fucking catchy, heavy, and dark all at the same time. The hooks are well-crafted, especially in songs like “Analysis Paralysis” and “Meatbags.” Hammerhands avoid sludge cliches of basic and boring chord progressions. Glaciers feels a lot more atmospheric all the while keeping you interested with sudden changes that surprise and intrigue. The entire composition is thought-out and each member of the band plays their respective roles well with no instrument in particular dominating one over the other.
The only issues that exist and should be considered creative criticism are first the vocalist is rather unremarkable. He doesn’t do anything too raunchy and seems content with blending in with the noise and ends up being kind of hard to understand. It would have been a lot more enjoyable if the lyrics were more discernible instead of scoping the lyrics in order to understand what he’s singing. Lastly, the last song, “Equus,” is literally thirty minutes of boring atmospheric reverb. If you’re going to do a song that’s longer than all the others, then you should fucking make it epic, dirtynasty, sludge hell. It should feel like climbing Mt. Doom in LOTR with the climax so good that your roommate in the next room orgasmed just as much as you did. Overall, the album is great. Fucking heavy and creative riffs and a doom-y atmosphere make it another album worth your salt. In regards to the duel, it is clearly better to have Hammerhands than a Hammer Fist. Imagine Kargath Bladefist kind of scary with hammers for hands instead of his blade.
Written by Cole Olson
Hammerhands – Glaciers
Self-Released
4 / 5
