by Mike Rosswog, drummer for Complete Failure

So I'm sitting in my home after the first 6 weeks of tour with time to reflect on the good, bad and completely insane things that have happened while on the road. Here are some of the high and low lights:

Best Sound: Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis. Watching / Hearing Mouth of the Architect was a sonic landscape of epic proportions. Each time Dave hit his kick drum, the air was knocked out of my lungs.  It was that loud and powerful.

Best Hospitality: Johnny Zepp from Indianapolis. We jammed all night on vintage guitars and amps, ate home cooked meals (first course was chicken breast and pasta, second course was turkey burgers). Then after waking up, John treated our entire crew to an authentic Indian buffet, which was some of the best food I've ever eaten. To top off a great experience, I picked up the new Messhuggah album at a local record shop.

Best Burrito: For those who know me, I'm a burrito fanatic and tried to get to an authentic Mexican restaurant in as many places as possible. Some highlights: San Francisco; the guy ran out of guacamole, so he gutted an entire fresh avocado and rolled it into my burrito. San Jose; awesome shredded chicken breast and great hot sauce in a squeeze bottle. Each bite had its own splash of the good stuff.

Best "Metal" Experience: Kuma's Corner in Chicago. Think His Hero is Gone at 100+ dB and Neurosis burger followed by multiple shots of Woodford Reserve Kentucky Straight Bourbon. Can't wait to go back.

Best Crowd Response: Cleveland and Pittsburgh, followed by Vancouver. Blood was drawn in our home town.

Best Bar: The Bug Jar in Rochester. They have Victory Hop Devil on tap. Enough said.

Best Opening Band: El Cerdo from the Portland Oregon show. Insane guitar tone that sounded like a mutant caterpillar crawling across an erupting volcano.

Worst Opening Band: I Wrestled a Bear Once. Van Halen and Nintendo game samples, techno breaks, female vocalist who can't sing, generic breakdowns, a bunch of sarcastic idiocy, noodling instrumentation by young kids who have no clue and think they're god's gift to music. The exact opposite of what Complete Failure is and does. So bad they made me want to quit the tour. So bad they made me want to commit suicide. So bad that I had to seriously consider why I would ever be in the same room doing the 'same thing' as these people. All made worse by the fact that apparently people dig this kind of shit. What the fuck?

Worst Show: Hamilton, Ontario. The promoter skipped town, it was negative 10 degrees Fahrenheit with wind and hail, no one was there and we / I played bad. Hung over, sore and tired from partying with Fuck the Facts 'til dawn the night before.

Worst / Longest Drive: Billings, Montana to Seattle, Washington. Ended up taking close to 24 hours with no sleep. Too tired to enjoy the beautiful landscapes we passed by.

Most Culture Shock: Vancouver, B.C. When we pulled up and got out of the van we stepped into a sea of broken heroin needles, used condoms and random ejaculate puddles. Every person in sight (hundreds it seemed) was strung out on hard drugs with sunken eyes and an empty stare.  Corner of E. Hastings and Main Street was like a scene out of a bad zombie flick. Prostitution deals going down in plain sight.

Most Fun / Best Party: Our last show with Mouth of the Architect and Lair of the Minotaur. The bar was lined end to end with shots of Jameson. The guy who came out to change our oil brought a bottle of Cognac. Extreme amounts of beer and liquor were consumed. Monster bear hugs and words of encouragement were exchanged.

Least Fun / Best Party: After our show in Chicago, we went to the Emperor Cabinets woodworking facility and partying commenced. A bottle of Jameson was shared between Dylan (Raise the Red Lantern), Alex (Mouth of the Architect), myself, and the rest of the gang. The night ended by puking multiple times, passing out with my head in my hands, and then sleeping on a concrete basement floor with no heat, shivering with teeth chattering audibly according to those who were in a more coherent state than I.

Biggest Disappointment: Seattle, Washington. I couldn't get a decent cup of coffee or a bagel... even from a local bakery. Not to mention that the show was a flop and no one showed up (except original Today is The Day bass player Mike Herrell).

Biggest Surprise: Awesome local bands and a circle pit in San Marcos, California.

Biggest Lesson Learned: Change Your Socks! You can wear the same clothes for a week...just change your damn socks. It starts to get pretty scary down there after a day or two.

Well, those six weeks were amazing and unforgettable. Now its time to head off to Europe, where I'm sure we'll have an incomparable experience.

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Photo credit:
Nail And Wiles Photography