We are back with a second installment covering some of the latest, and a few oldies we accidentally skipped, from Napalm Records roster. As we can see below, the range of this label is admirable. Even though their bands range towards the melodically syrupy we can still find some heavy gems hiding somewhere. You just have to look really really hard. Read on and spread the word!

To their credit, Austria’s Hollenthon do not over-arrange their music into a cheesy and overblown melodic death metal pie. Sure, Opus Magnum, the band’s third full-length, features operatic choruses, a female vocalist going ‘wowowowowowowow’, more keyboards than a Pet Shop Boys record, a violin or a flute (I am not sure, you find out), swift melodies, flashy guitars and flashier guitar solos, generic death metal grunts, shiny production and the obligatory Photoshop cover artwork, but that doesn’t mean this is cheesy. Wait a minute, yes, it does!  Let’s just say that this album is an opus alright, it’s just not very magnum. I am just surprised that Hollenthon features two Pungent Stench members. That band was killer for a few minutes back in the day. This is ok for those who like 'epic dark metal', whatever that means.

I am a man very unsure of many things. But one thing I am 100% sure of is that The Great Revival, Stuck Mojo’s seventh release, is one of the worst records I’ve heard in my entire life. I remember when Pigwalk was released back in 1996. It did not sound entirely fresh, but for a southern band attempting to merge metal with rap, at least these Georgia boys were doing it hard. Sure, vocalist Bonz sounded constipated as hell, but the  guitars of Rich Ward were furious and the drumming was relentless. In other words, it delivered to the metalheads. Well, time has passed, member have been changed and by now everyone knows that mixing metal with rap is a horrible and hideous idea. Not Suck Mojo though. They now have this singer called Lord Nelson whose rapping has as much character as a tater tot and as many skills as Vanilla Ice. Not only that but Stuck Mojo now sounds like a generic southern rock Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band. Emphasis in the word ‘generic’ as most of these songs are mild and cheesy. Napalm Records calls their music 'crossover metal' and that’s right, this crosses over into total shit. The Great Revival gets zero sparrows. A first for this zine.

I have nothing against power metal. I just think the genre could use more balls. Take Denmark’s Iron Fire for instance. I am sure they are perfectly capable of delivering a solid heavy metal record. They sure have the chops and the melodic instinct. But instead, they opt for bathing their metal with some very obsessive use of keyboards. It’s so much, it almost takes over the guitars, which by the way carry no heaviness whatsoever. Yeah, I mean, I can take the fighting choruses, the syrupy melodies and the dexterous solos. I am just not one to stand up for keyboard metal. Especially when you are singing about killing for metal and like, having big enough hands to cover the sun. If you do that you better represent, know what I mean? Just look at the artwork of To the Grave (Iron Fire’s fifth full-length); it features a Thor’s hammer so it is only logical that the god of thunder had to approve. Instead he would have laughed and mocked Iron Fire because this has no balls.  

I was a fan of Isole’s Bliss of Solitude. In all its airs of despair, tragedy, melancholy, sorrow, heavy-heartedness, pity, hopelessness, coldness, sadness and depression, the record was an entertaining listen. You got to admire these guys. Isole is like the tough muscular guy in a sea of George Costanza look-alikes. I like this band, but I wouldn’t invite them to a party or anything. They obviously sound like they are searching for a rope and a beam. Yet, they want to transcend. Their doom metal is ‘epic’, as Napalm puts it, which means that the music is sad but not bleak or negative. There is romanticism in the melodies, hope in their somewhat blunt and lush musicality. And the vocals are clean and properly sung. The riffs are open and slow, but also accessible and hopeful. Isole do sound unlike 95% of the rest of doom bands. Silent Ruins is their fourth album and is a strong addition to a rock solid discography.

Germany’s Grave Digger have been battling it out for metal since 1980. They are in fact one of the first heavy metal bands I ever listened to, so I have soft spot for them. Plus, with such experience on their backs and a discography lengthy enough to make Frank Zappa feel like a lazy turd, who’s the jackass that could dislike them? Ballads of a Hangman is Grave Digger’s fourteenth album and as it should, it marks no departure in sound, look/aesthetics or diet. I mean, the day Grave Digger start looking like Suicide Silence hell would really freeze over. And the day Grave Digger start sounding like Job for a Cowboy will feel like the apocalypse. In other words, Ballads of a Hangman is your typical anthemic heavy / speed metal album. It is impeccably played and catchy as swine flu. It also has bigger balls than that Iron Fire record. As far as ballads are concerned, there is one called “Lonely the Innocence Dies”, it’s piano based and in it, vocalist Chris Coltendahl shares duties with Benedictum’s Veronica Freeman. Not my cup of tea, but I am not about to argue with some fifty year old metalhead from Westphalia. Fuck that.

The Modern Age Slavery. Now that’s I am talking about. Some brutality in Napalm’s roster. Amidst so many melodies, layers of keyboards, lame rap rock and soft duets, there had to be some true brutality in this prolific label. And this is it. Almost it. I guess this band is the Italian answer to so many perfect sounding American death metal bands. As such, they sound just like one. Pummeling, milimetric, polished, tight, technical and well-oiled, groove-laden and straight forward all at once, and yeah, somewhat generic. Damned to Blindness is The Modern Age Slavery’s first album and shows potential to create just about the same sounds every other band of the ilk is creating. If only these bambinos could step outside the box at least for one song they’d be onto something more interesting. But for what it is, it does. Great cover artwork.

Every time I listen to viking metal I feel like an idiot. That’s why I never listen to it. And Tyr are doing nothing to change my mind. With their impeccably played music, big choruses, refined metal notes and memorable choruses this band makes me want to dance and get drunk. And that’s not why I listen to metal. Not the dance part, I mean.  They should rename the subgenre to something like 'joy metal', or gay metal, gay as in ‘happy’ of course. But that name would work for both meanings. You listen to Tyr, get drunk and then tongue the dude next to you.  These guys could kick Iron Fire’s asses in like a second. No doubt about it. Plus, when you pronounce their name, you don’t say it ‘teer’, you say something like ‘toooir', which is very metal. Plus these guys hail from the Faroe Islands. How many people do you know that hail from that island? That’s what I thought. By the Light of the Northern Star is Tyr’s four album and in a very viking meyal way is gayer than gay. I need to take a shower now. Bye.

Alright, come on now! Glittertind is just ridiculous. Though not as awful as Stuck Mojo, this is pretty bad but far more entertaining. Not in a good way though. The beginning of their third album, Landkjenning, is about the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. And that includes all the George Carlin stand ups you can think of.  It sounds like elves prancing along the mountains singing around the fire. The label lists this as a folk metal band, but there is very little metal. I would file it under shitty metal. Right next to that Pat Boone record from a few years ago. Maybe you have to be Norwegian to like this. Maybe you have to really dig folk and be really into your race. Maybe you just need to have really bad taste. There is a crowd for this. And I am pretty sure, it is the Norwegian equivalent of redneck trash.