With all this non-business of downloading, cd buyers can see the upside too; people are desperate to get rid of their CD collections. Not me, I just can’t part with the physicality of my metal collection. It’s not only the music you know, but the artwork. Regardless, people just don’t give a shit these days. All my used to be collector friends are now looking to sell their albums on eBay, but most will simply drive to the few surviving physical record stores nearby to exchange them for a few bucks. With that in mind, and considering that I don’t like football Iast super bowl Sunday I went scouring through the cutout bin of one of my favorite records stores. This is what I dug up.

Wurdulak sounds much more tamed and clean than I expected. The music of Ceremony in Flames (Baphomet, 2001) is a somewhat sludgy mix of classic heavy metal with black metal vocals and even some stoner riffs thrown in for good measure. Looking at the cover with the blood vomiting nun and the pic inside of the naked impaled sister I was expecting something musically much more extreme and chaotic. But that’s ok because the genre mix makes for a good listen. I am just surprised because were we to change the vocals to a more natural tone this would be an entirely different album worthy of coverage in a site like StonerRock.com. Anyway, this supergroup of sorts counts with people like Killjoy from Necrophagia and Maniac from Mayhem and Skitliv trading vocals. At the guitars there’s a dude nick-named Frediablo who is no other than Phil Anselmo who probably had a few free minutes between joints to record Ceremony in Flames. This was the band’s first full-length and since they’ve put out a split with Gorelord and a full-length titled Severed Eyes of Possession which basically features a much more gruesome version of this same cover artwork. They hate nuns indeed.

This next record, or EP actually, I got because of the godawful artwork, the psychedelic name and the record label. To start with, I don’t know what the fuck the artwork is about but I imagine that it was created by someone with very basic knowledge of photoshop and zero talent.  Also, a death metal band has no right to brand themselves Hypnos. All death metal bands should be named something comical and caricaturesque like Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel or Malevolent Creation. Regarding the label, I remember Morbid Records but I don’t remember any particular bands that were on their roster which may say something about the label or may say something about my memory.  But anyway, Hypnos is a Czech band that had a couple of members from Krabathor, who are basically the Metallica of death metal bands in the Czech Republic. This self-titled EP has four tunes all of ‘em quite potent but also hardly outstanding. Too bad the best one, a cover of Bulldozer’ s ”The Cave”, was not written by them. Since this 2000 release Hypnos has put out three full-length and even a Best of comp. Sorry to break your heart fellas, but Hypnos called it quits. As for Morbid Records they have Cliteater in their roster, who of course we all know and love.  

Right after death metal blew up in the early 90’s there was a window of time during which labels like Century Media and Nuclear Blast were eager to sign any piece of shit band that dared to growl or sound like Pantera. Queens’ Insult II Injury dared to replicate the Texan sound of Anselmo and company and damn them if they didn’t fail miserably. Point of This (Century Media, 1991) is perhaps one of the most inept and pathetic metal albums ever recorded. And that may sound like a gross exaggeration but you have to listen to this shit to believe it. The guitars are a lame ass imitation of the style that Dimebag branded as his and that would obviously go to influence some of the pitiable nu metal bands and that sucky group Paul DiAnno formed around the time. They were called Killers and they sucked a big hairy one, yeah. Insult II Injury’s vocalist actually sounds like James Hetfield trying to rap a little. I knew this record was going to suck. I remember hearing an Insult II Injury song in one of those Identity compilations back in the day and I distinctly remember thinking it was fucking awful. But I just like collecting shit. The word lame is almost a compliment.  Wisely, Point of This is the only album this band ever recorded.

Pavement Music was the kind of metal label that we could always rely on to deliver crappy music. I remember once they released a rap metal album by a band called L.U.N.G.S. Oh god, was it awful. That band's page now proudly proclaims that they were here before Korn, Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park so I don’t know what’s worse; bragging about that shit or putting out an album as lame and irrelevant as Better Class of Losers. I am not enough of a sucker to buy another L.U.N.G.S. record but the Pavement Music logo itched my hand and I ended up paying $0.99 for Demo-Niac the Best of compilation from the German death metal outfit Obscenity. This record came out in 1999 and Obscenity have been together since 1989 so if they weren’t any decent by the time their fourth album Human Barbecue (ahem….Morbid, 1998) was released I doubt they’ll ever get good. Demo-Niac is utterly forgettable and totally disposable. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to spend $.50 on these fuckers.

I remember reading a review of Mastery’s Lethal Legacy (SpineRazor, 2006) in Decibel Magazine a couple of years back where the critic stated that this was one of the best instrumetal records in a long time and I’ll have to concur. Canada’s Mastery play some killer thrash metal and not for one second shy away from showing off, which is what you actually have to do when you play instrumental music.  Mastery sounds like the Megadeth we all came to love without the irritating vocals of Dave Mustaine. Sounds good to me. Guitarist Markus Armellini is pretty godly, he riffs like a full head of hair Kirk Hammett and solos like Mustaine when he was a speed metal badass.  Lethal Legacy contains six original songs and two live tracks, which is more than enough for an instrumental record. Blistering stuff.

If you are a heavy metal fan and you don’t love Wino Weinrich you are an idiot. Period. There is no risk to be gay. You just have to love Wino Weinrich. The man has played in some of the most legendary (Saint Vitus) and influential stoner (The Obsessed) bands in history and continues to craft valid music up to this day. His solo album under his Wino (Punctuated Equilibrium on Southern Lord, 2009) name is pretty stellar, and having been a big fan of The Hidden Hand’s The Resurrection of Whisky Foote (Southern Lord, 2007) I was doing cartwheels down the aisle when I stumbled upon a shrinkwrapped copy of the The Hidden Hand’s (pictured above) second full-length Mother Teacher Destroyer (Southern Lord, 2004) because really, anything this dude puts his name on ends up being groooovy. Badass guitars, hypnotizing mid tempos, druggy vocals, soulful solos, a bit of psychedelia and earthly tones make of this another must have for any stoner rock lover.

This next record I bought on the basis that it was produced by J. Mascis who we all know as the dude behind the at times mighty Dinosaur Jr.  Mascis is an incredible guitar player and a competent drummer and taking into consideration that the cover of this record is very very odd and that the name of the band is Gobblehoof I reasoned there was no reason why I shouldn’t buy Freezer Burn (New Alliance, 1992). Well my friends I totally regret my decision. Gobblehoof are pretty unlistenable which is not to say that there is nothing good about it. Fans of weird would probably love this, but wait, I am a fan of weird and I can’t stand this album. Well, it’s funky, in a very stinky way. It reminds me of Deconstruction, that Jane’s Addiction side project that reeked quite badly and that was all over the place. Gobblehoof has some awesome guitars and the music itself ain’t that bad, but vocalist Charlie Nakajima (himself a member of the pre Dinosaur Jr extreme outfit Deep Wound) is one of those dudes who kinda sings kinda talks and totally fucks things up. Pass.

I have always been wary of bands that have the words ‘steel’ and ‘prophet’ as parts of their moniker so when a band is called Steel Prophet it can’t be anything but terrible news. I really couldn’t be a fair judge of Unseen (Nuclear Blast, 2002), the band’s sixth album, because I don’t like most power metal and that’s precisely what these Californians do. The musicianship is top notch, I’ll give them that but there is just something utterly clean and polished that I find quite repellent about bands like Steel Prophet.  Their logo looks like it was created by a fourth grader so they get half a sparrow for that, and the vocalist harmonizes pretty well which I don’t like but I guess it’s the way it’s supposed to be in the power metal world so that’s a half sparrow more. Oh yeah, and the guitar work is flawless. Dudes can play almost too well for my taste.  Those ballads have to go though, so I’ll substract a half sparrow for that.