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The Vault: Aluk Todolo – Finsternis

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The Vault: Aluk Todolo – Finsternis

Been awhile since we pulled something out of the tombs, but if there was any we should have selected, it was this one.  Aluk Todolo is one of the more interesting acts out of France currently, though they haven’t put anything out since Occult Rock in 2012.  Excellent work, but nothing quite caught our attention like a […]

Burzum SUCKS – The Yoko Ono of Black Metal

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Burzum SUCKS – The Yoko Ono of Black Metal

Good title, eh?  One of the writers was like “what’s this whole Yoko Ono thing?”  Maybe we should have said “of metal” and been less specific with our symbolism, because this guy pretty much covers the required ‘general idiot’ persona for the entire community.  There, we said it.  And we’re going to say more, a […]

Double Header – Street Sects

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Double Header – Street Sects

It’s great when you come across a band like this where you could throw out several genres and not one of them would be sufficient or make any sense.  Street Sects play a noisey variety of somethingrather from out of Austin, TX and they prove that something weird is happening in the American West.  It […]

Deaf Sparrow’s Top Metal Vocalists You Never Heard Of

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Deaf Sparrow’s Top Metal Vocalists You Never Heard Of

We know you all love them, we know you all need them, articles about something other than single albums.  Well here you are, a team effort, even.  There are certainly hundreds of vocalists we could have chosen from, but of course we had to whittle down to a pathetic, seeping stump so all of you […]

Double Header – Trepaneringsritualen

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Double Header – Trepaneringsritualen

Seeing as we love this guy so much in all his blood-crusted beardiness, figured we’d save some time covering two labels and two different releases at once, as this special article style of ours is want to do.  Thomas Ekelund, known as Trepaneringsritualen, we first reviewed in a split LP with DEATHSTENCH released by Malignant […]

Cassette Assault! Noise, Noisy, Noisier!

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Cassette Assault! Noise, Noisy, Noisier!

Uh oh, folks, it’s time for another…cassette assault!!!!  Or perhaps those exclamatives should be written as !!!!11!11!!!!  Either way, we’re bringing it in that beautiful analog format that warps in the sun and makes stuff like this sound even better.  Last time we had a selection of four beautiful pieces of plastic from one label, […]

Unlocking the Truth of Said 8th Grade Metal Band (Yeah, They Suck, Get Over It)

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Unlocking the Truth of Said 8th Grade Metal Band (Yeah, They Suck, Get Over It)

Metal, everyone who’s in wishes other people would just stay the Hell out.  A huge portion of it thrives on the underground fanatic, that type who covers themselves in logos until their skin is practically made out of cloth, who purchases everything on cassette for some God damn reason, who knows what metal is, and […]

The Worst Band Photo in History

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The Worst Band Photo in History

No, what you see above is not the photograph in question.  Keep reading for the reveal.  Oh why, ghastly world of ours, why do you permit such things to exist?  It’s band photos of this nature that make us question if there really is a point to it all.  The answer in this case is […]

Cassette Assault!  No Visible Scars

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Cassette Assault! No Visible Scars

It’s a…..cassette assault!  That’s a new thing for us around here.  We get a bunch of cassettes from a single label, or band, and we have at it, firing that beautiful celluloid like so many bullets, filling your corpse with the notations of sweet, hissing tape through a blown-speaker Magnavox.  Take it like a champ! […]

Top 10 Most Badass Awesome Action Figures of the 1980s

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Top 10 Most Badass Awesome Action Figures of the 1980s

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just reaching that age where nostalgia kicks in.  Then I think, no, today really does suck.  As far as pop culture goes, it all pretty much ruled from the 70s to mid 90s.  In the middle is the golden period of absolute coolness in toys, the 1980s.  You’re probably expecting […]

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