Sometimes you have to wonder if some of the "metal" bands think about their name before they choose it. Let's look at letter 'E' further. Exhumed, okay, that makes sense, it's like a corpse taken from the grave and so on, that's pretty brutal. Enforcer, also kind of cool, you know like they're going to enforce some hurting on you or something. But Embalmed? That's not really brutal if you think about it, in fact it's probably the antithesis since the goal of embalming is to keep the body from rotting and make it pretty. That's kind of stupid in actuality, and next time check around online before selecting 'Embalmed', especially when there are seriously twelve fucking bands with the same name, not counting you.
So these guys are the Embalmed from Mexico, but let's give them some credit since they've been playing sine 1989. Maybe they were the first of their kind. Thankfully not one of the Embalmed from the US, because then we'd get into distinguishing which state and probably which city. Embalmed (Mexico) has been playing for over twenty years, and it's about time they just stopped.
Honestly now, who in their right frikken mind decided to release Exalt the Imperial Beast? You don't even need to get into a criticism of the music here, it's so bad you won't find anything that could even be called music. Shit, this can't even be called noise and get away with it. Embalmed waste no time trying to live off of the Mexican goregrind rawness of bands like Disgorge, but problem is they're so raw that they don't have any fingers left with which to play that which is called music. From the beginning of this album, these guys show you one thing, they completely lack all musicality. It's literally, like totally honest here, literally impossible to make out anything they're playing. The chords are a complete mess of static and overloaded amp, the bass is stale fuzz, and the drums are so fucking noisy that the cymbals, at times, are loud to the point you can't hear anything else, and again, that's not an exaggeration, that's totally serious. If you took a microphone, attached it to a cymbal, turned the volume all the way up, and then through mixing turned the volume of that to the max, it still wouldn't be as horribly recorded as the shit on Exalt the Imperial Beast. 'Beast' here is more like a 'peasant', being generous. Doesn't even deserve to shovel shit from the sound of Embalmed (Mexico), and it certainly doesn't deserve to be exalted. Expostulate maybe.
The vocals actually have a cool 'evilness' to them, and are pretty much the only thing recorded well, or at least in comparison. Once it gets going, you won't have a clue whether or not one song is any different than the next. The entire track list mixes together and drags on and on with no proof they're even playing anything. At least you knew Anal Cunt was screwing around, it seems these dudes really think they're playing, but apparently haven't learned that there are these things called strings that you do what is called strumming to, and when you press a finger down on the other thing called the fret board it makes this thing called a note, and then some notes put together makes what we think is called a chord. Embalmed (Mexico) should have never been born. This stuff would have only worked if it was the first grind album ever made, because in this era, this shit's got to go. Exalt the Imperial Beast is easily one of the worst metal albums ever released, period, no exaggeration, pure truth actually put the period here. The only reason it got a '1' is because if it got a '0' the shaded sparrows images above would make it seem like it got a 5 out of 5. So keep that in mind, this is actually a complete nothing. Interestingly, the only decent track on here is the outro, which is a mix of ambient. For ambient, not that bad, but it's definitely not worth buying an entire album. Go listen to Teitanblood instead, those guys know what this sort of thing should be. This one will just leave you embittered.
Written by Q
