Plebeian Grandstand – Lowgazers

I’ve been out of the reviewing game for a long time and it is because of this album. My first few listens deemed this album as just a mess. I couldn’t understand why anyone would enjoy it. It felt like a chaotic Japanese public orgy where everything was blurred out or covered in KY (minus the porn squealing). I really just gave up trying to understand it and was going to do a scathing review and nail these bastards to the cross and stab them a few times in the ribs with a spear of mean words and strange, insulting comparisons. A few months later, I gave it a chance after seeing their music video for “Thvrst” and my whole life was thrown into disarray because I LOVED IT. This album provoked tastes in genres of music that I wouldn’t even bother listening to because I knew I would not like it. With this in mind, I questioned my ability to review albums because if I reviewed it at first and hated it, giving it a 1.5/5, and then later reviewing it and actually enjoying it, I would regret my decision to publish a negative review regarding an album or band and banish myself to the naughty chair for like, three whole minutes (and believe me, no one wants to be in the naughty chair). With this in mind, I think I’ve come to terms with my matured tastes and the possibility of being in the naughty chair. This review in a sense, is catharsis for all the self-doubt I’ve had in the past year so hopefully I can get back into the groove of things and continue to bring sexual jokes to your attention.


It was a quiet, grey morning when I awoke for school and somehow, felt different. Perhaps it was the madness of finishing my senior year of college, or the frustration of my cat slowly transitioning into my alarm clock but somehow, I felt lured by Lowgazers. I wanted violence. I wanted despair. I wanted to wreck havoc. I had a fever – AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS LOWGAZERS. In the past, I’ve dropped the description that this ___ album makes me want to fucking destroy my surroundings. This time, I’m really confident that this beast – this black metal/hardcore monster is among very few albums in my entire experience with music that have made me want to really unleash hell. It makes me feel angry, it makes me feel like trying to go for a new deadlift PR, it makes me feel so fucking alive. Everything instrumentally is absolutely superb on this album. The atmosphere is oppressive but breathable – empowering even. The vocals, while rather hard to distinguish the lyrics, perfectly complement the tumult generated by the guitars, bass, and drums. If anybody has played Mass Effect 3, you may remember the scene where Grunt is covering Commander Shepard’s escape and attacks the Rachni horde alone and fights tooth, nail, and claw leading to his “sacrifice”. This music in this case, makes me feel like Grunt – the determination and bloodlust to face hordes of enemies in the face of certain death. Top tracks for becoming a Viking berserker are “Thvrst”, “Flail in the Bliss”, and “Aimless Roaming”. And I will bring up the video again for “Thvrst“, which is a fucking fantastic video and may be a lending hand in understanding the nature of the beast.


I really have to think Plebeian Grandstand for what they have done to me. I’m a man now. I’m a real person. This album also made spring finals tolerable although sometimes I feel like I suffer from bouts of PTSD while listening to some tracks as I am reminded of the studying that had to be done in order to graduate. Please buy this album. Please buy from Throatruiner Records. Please forgive me. I love you.


Plebeian Grandstand Official Facebook

Written by Cole Olson

Plebeian Grandstand: Lowgazers
Throat Ruiner Records
5 / 5