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Violent Hammer – Riders of the Wasteland (Caveman Metal)

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Violent Hammer – Riders of the Wasteland (Caveman Metal)

  With a name like Violent Hammer you expect, and discover, that these guys aren’t hear to waste any time smashing you into the ground. They’ve done their time with demos and lineup changes and now it’s just going to be what it is. They’re probably cavemen, too, and I’m sure they gorge themselves daily […]

Close the Hatch – Modern Witchcraft (Pls Better Name Sludgegaze)

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Close the Hatch – Modern Witchcraft (Pls Better Name Sludgegaze)

  I have to say this band has one of the worst freaking names I’ve ever heard. No one can beat Clouds Taste Satanic, though, but this is getting close let me tell you. Like what? Close the bomb shelter hatch? Is this a mouth reference like “down the hatch” when you eat? What are […]

Henry Kane – Age of the Idiot (Conglomerate Crust Metal)

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Henry Kane – Age of the Idiot (Conglomerate Crust Metal)

  I feel like the promos I’ve been receiving, the ones I’ve selected anyway, have really come in the perfect order. I’ve had a great sampling of noise, heavy metal, punk, etc., and now add to that this slab with some crust stuff and we’re pretty much filling out a memoir. And this is rather […]

Obnoxious Youth – Mouths Sewn Shut (Superdeformed Speed Metal)

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Obnoxious Youth – Mouths Sewn Shut (Superdeformed Speed Metal)

  This is the kind of stuff I live to review, if you can call that living. I laugh and stare from above as the pathetic provincial sites of the world attempt to draw some sorts of band comparisons or pathetically toss out tag after stale tag in an attempt to ground their meaningless words. […]

Noctu – Gelidae Mortis Imago (Toccata in Funeral Doom)

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Noctu – Gelidae Mortis Imago (Toccata in Funeral Doom)

  There’s no tougher sell than funeral doom, let alone the type that goes this route with all of the symphonic nonsense. First you have its typica, extremely slow progression, and then if one risks tying in keyboard it’s bound to go Halloween spook in a few seconds, if even that long. But under the […]

Black Pestilence – Hail the Flesh (Infernal Blackened Punk)

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Black Pestilence – Hail the Flesh (Infernal Blackened Punk)

  Cool shit man, Satanic punk. You might call it “blackened punk,” but there’s so much Satan thrash stuff going on, you know, so “infernal blackened punk” sounds way cooler. Let’s go with that. I put it in the title too so I can claim copyright later and make a lot of money when some […]

Expunged – S/T (Non-Regressive Death Metal Filth)

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Expunged – S/T (Non-Regressive Death Metal Filth)

  Man can Hell’s Headbangers get any better at picking out these random, new bands that absolutely slay? I guess that’s why they do what they do so well. Someone there’s got a knack. So we’ve got Expunged here today, who self-describe their style as, quote “sick, rotten, coated in filth death metal surrounded by […]

DEATH CULT RITUAL – NIGHT OF THE FLESH-EATING FREAKS (Full CAPS Noise Horror)

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DEATH CULT RITUAL – NIGHT OF THE FLESH-EATING FREAKS (Full CAPS Noise Horror)

  Noise has for at least two decades been a case of you’ve heard one you’ve pretty much heard them all. The genre is constantly resistant to change and stagnancy reigns, mainly because it’s so damn easy to stomp a bunch of pedals and feign “scary” while tossing fake blood around and screaming into a […]

Collision – The Final Kill (Tears of Joy and Sadness Crossover Epilogue)

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Collision – The Final Kill (Tears of Joy and Sadness Crossover Epilogue)

  Nothing these guys do is wrong, there I said it. Even their earlier work, when they more heavily leaned grindcore, is tolerable. But none of that “their early stuff is better” nonsense because they just kept getting better. Not only do they have the guts to wear their own shirts, they realized that grindcore […]

Bezwering – Aan de wormen overgeleverd (UNDEATH METAL)

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Bezwering – Aan de wormen overgeleverd (UNDEATH METAL)

  Bands really need to declare themselves “post” dash whatever when it’s fucking weird. When I hear “black metal,” for example, I expect horse-stomping drums, lo-fi tremolo blizzard storms with maybe riffs in there, and bass that’s rumbling behind all of it as the Popeye screech vocals commence. Lol where’s me spinach? So why bother […]