Collision – Satanic Surgery
Did you know that grindcore can seriously be a real genre? It’s true. Unfortunately, not true enough, but when it’s true, it’s TRUE in ALL CAPS. Perhaps it’s just difficult to be that true, considering all the obstacles. The ineffectual “humor”, the sloppy chord work for legitimacy, the samples, you know it all already because we’ve complained about it so goddamn much. Today, we are not complaining, we are rejoicing. We abandoned the faith but have returned, born again into grindcore. We have failed, oh Grord (grind + Lord), because we are weak, we are sinners who expected the best all the time, without realizing that the best is always a rarity. Too weak were we to realize that porn samples and CD-Rs are reality, and there are, yes, there are bands that consider them proper aesthetic. This reality must be accepted as much as mortals must except death. But fear not, for false belief may be at an end. False grind must be accepted, but yet, it is required, for how else to see the glory of true grind? We are the chosen ones, yet were are not proud. We’re not perfect, just forgiven, for we know, yes we know, that the Grord is great, for he has created Collision, and they have exorcised our scene demons with that which is called Satanic Surgery. Embrace the true path.
Collision are finally getting the recognition they deserve, which most grind bands do not. Why? Because most grind bands suck. Not these guys. Formed in The Netherlands sixteen years ago, they’ve largely been ignored by virtue of the fact that grindcore is now not just a tag, but a condemnation. An eighth deadly sin, or ninth if you include melancholy, and also an eleventh commandment. Thou shalt not listen to grindcore (added in stone circa 2005 – DS). But what does it take since we are all mere sinners? The false path has seemed to be the only path these past ten years, so how can we escape? It hast already been written in stone, where is the savior of the Grord? Collision is the way. Let’s say it again in case you missed the million times we already bitched about it. Firstly, porn samples or horror film samples, unless clever, are heresy. Second, the guitar and bass should shalt be comprehensible, otherwise it’s clear thee thou be hiding thy lack of musicianship. Third, vocal effects are one of the worst of thine them sins. Men were not born pigs, why must they sing as such? In what hast it been written that big squeals, grunts, and auto tune must be of the grind? Apocrypha, at best. Condemn such unbelievers to the eleventh ring of hell, where ye shall be eternally forced to swap and listen to demos from the wrong Disgorge. Think about how bad that would be.
Yes, we must avoid this, and to excise the path of false grind you have likely been born into, Satanic Surgery is the operation. The altar has been replaced with a gurney, the stained glass known as the “Eye of God” replaced by a three-headed surgery light, and the priest with that guy on the cover up there so we could tie in the artwork for this analogy. Collision run their scalpels fluidly with the grain of your sinews, their forceps hold open your skin, and their curettes remove every last bit of false grind adhering to your interior. Each scrape digs into your pink under-flesh, the skin that unites us all as one species, the color we all have beneath, torn, ripped, cleansed of false grind filth. So skilled is Collision that cauterization is not necessary, for their craft is pure, of the most polished and sterilized steel. Even when blunt their instruments cut bone. The sad thing is you’d be surprised how many people can’t seem to see this, and how much hate this album has received (hint, if we like it it’s actually good). Have thee listened to grindcore over thy thou past twenty yars? It’s impossible to not like this if you’ve listened to all of the vomit flowing out of the grindcore world recently. The other sad thing is it was really so simple to create something like this. Collision have developed a new religion called writing good grind. They keep most of the tracks at a manageable distance; enough to brutalize something, not so short that you’re barely feeling it, but not so much that you’re past your adrenaline rush and mid-stroke. Plus, there are at least three genres at play here, perhaps more if you’re truly a snob. Hardcore punk, thrash, death metal, we’ll stop there, you find the rest. The great thing is they’re all sliced open, cleaned, and sewn into a cohesive whole that knows when to slam, when to assault, and yes, even when to laugh on occasion. But the real trick here is Collision does all that without losing their sincerity. It’s easy to hear in the run of the tracks that they enjoy what they’re doing, but take it seriously, even when it’s called grind. Grord be praised, the Second Coming of Grind is upon us.
Written by Stanley Stepanic
Collision: Satanic Surgery
Hammerheart Records
4.6 / 5
