Unlocking the Truth of Said 8th Grade Metal Band (Yeah, They Suck, Get Over It)

Metal, everyone who’s in wishes other people would just stay the Hell out.  A huge portion of it thrives on the underground fanatic, that type who covers themselves in logos until their skin is practically made out of cloth, who purchases everything on cassette for some God damn reason, who knows what metal is, and what is not.  That’s why stuff like this is so irritating.  Unlocking the Truth are an ironically named “metal” band, more properly speaking thrash metal, out of Brooklyn, created by a trio three kids around the ages of 12 and 13.  Now, hey, stop before you run off on a comment box hate tangent, it’s pretty cool to see kids writing music of the metal variety, no doubt.  But the recent explosion  of these guys from practically nothing into a Sony contract that fronted them $60K before anything else was said and done is irritating.  It’s not irritating because they “made it,” good for them, it’s irritating because they made it on the fact that they made it for reasons that don’t hinge on talent, because they really can’t play “the metal” at all.  Before you type in those captchas to spew the evil upon us, keep reading for a dose of unlocking the reality.


What, how could you you monster?  Because that’s what we do around here.  The writers around these parts are versed in metal, like all of it, not just those Nirvana guys, or Bush, or Maroon 182.  Most of us have lived metal and extreme music since we were about the age of these three, and to the credit of Unlocking the Truth that’s awesome.  It’s awesome to see youngins spreading their musical minds outward into avenues the usual radio listener would never dare tred, because that’s what can make a human being unique, curiosity; stepping out of the norm.  And after that comes hard work, which these three have been doing, playing their hearts out in Times Square to onlookers.  Better seeing that than some guy dressed as Spongebob putting a cup on a fishing rod in front of my face.  We’ll take that any day for a street show and coin bucket.  After a few minor stage performances, these guys got the buzz, and it kept coming.  Good for them, but why?  Is it because they’re so God damned awesome you’ll never listen to another metal band again?  No, it’s because they’re kids and everyone seems to think that’s frikken cute.



So let’s get serious, if you check out their Facebook page link above, you’ll find a single song (at the time of this writing, same one right above), and it sounds like it was recorded in a garbage can about 100 years ago before recording was invented.  What’s that mean?  It’s terrible, so terrible if they were the usual age for a thrash band, somewhere around 60, they’d receive scores of 0 out of X from every review zine, site, and mag on the planet and they’d never even finish a demo in time to get their street cred back.  But to be fair, that song up there’s not the only thing you can find, there are tons of videos about these guys, including this one of them performing at Times Square which showcases their better riffage.


And hey, some of those riffs are decently average.  That’s where we return to our original question.  Why?  It’s simple, gimmick for profit, and the gimmick here is that people thought it was cool that a couple of kids were playing metal at an average level, and that in itself made it sound more awesome than it really is.  Around here we’ve heard practically everything in thrash, stuff so stellar it makes it a shame that something like this gets more attention than bands that are actually really good at what they do, but that’s, again, a symptom of  modern internet disease.  Something catches because of an unstated idea that really means nothing in essence, and it explodes and everyone capitalizes on it, even us.  But here, though we might get a few more hits in the process, maybe some more likes, maybe some hate even, we’re not afraid to say the reason we did it was to be honest.  These guys, Unlocking the Truth, are symbolically titled, because the truth is they’re not anything great, basically not anything at all.  Give it some time, hey, maybe, but for all the hype at moment based on their current material they’re not nearly what they should be in reality.  Seriously, they’re already signed up for a documentary and a book deal?  How even?  This kind of bullshit is amazing, it’s amazing the human race is so stupid.  Hopefully these guys, in their defense, milk this stupidity for all it’s worth without getting exploited in the process.  If you’re interested in some real thrash, check out some Blessed Curse, maybe Toxic Holocaust if you want to put your toe in the genre and call yourself legit, or some Nocturnal Breed if you’re instead interested in leaving the hip behind.


Written by Stanley Stepanic