Whores.: Clean.
This album is the heaviest goddamned thing to exist since that asteroid that wiped all those dumb-ass dinosaurs off the earth, presumably so this album could get made 20 million years later. You know the Moon in Majora’s Mask? The one that grimaces down at you, as it slowly approaches Termina and eventually crushes the ever living fuck out of it as you die, again and again, watching it buttbang an entire world to death? That’s this album. This is like Jesus Lizard shot steroids for about ten years and beat the shit out of the first punk kid that keyed their tour van on mischief night. It’s like if Queens of the Stone Age decided to do a bunch of bath salts instead of writing shitty albums no one wants to listen to for the last 10 years. This album is so heavy it defies the laws of physics. It sounds like Unsung era Helmet ate a bunch of Uranium and shat out a record made of molten testicles.
For some monstrously insipid reason, Pitchfork decided to pan this album in favor of Pissed Jeans, who, in all honestly lack the kind of songwriting talent and sound design these guys do. Pissed Jeans are like what would happen if you told the Dwarves they had to put on clothes and stop doing drugs. Whores are probably beating a homeless man to death with a Gibson Thunderbird right now. Fuck, PF even compared them to the Melvins, and, as venerable and timeless as the goddamned Melvins are, it would be difficult to point to a Melvins track that makes you drop your jaw in quite the same way that every single track on this album does. There’s something genius and sinister about it. It’s like this album fucked your mom and then sent you a link to the video on pornhub.
Clean is an earworm, too. The disk got two full repeat listens here at the Deaf Sparrow offices, and the only other record to accomplish that feat this year was the Persekutor EP. Apples and oranges, though; Clean is another beast entirely. Grab a few tallboys of Nasty Ice, shoot a teener of your favorite meth and drive a backhoe through an orphanage, Clean is coming for dinner and it brought some angel dust for desert.
Written by Mort Subite
Whores.: Clean.
Brutal Panda
5 / 5
