Silent Night, Deadly Night (Childhood Ruined Again by Cheap Transgressiveness)


Something is awful rotten in Denmark, folks. Apparently, Stop The Killer Press (a subsidiary of the Stop The Killer board game company) has gone into the business of publishing limited edition novelizations of classic slasher films such as My Bloody Valentine and Happy Birthday to Me. Normally I would have no interest in such chicanery, but their December release of an adaptation of the 1984 cult classic Silent Night, Deadly Night lured me in and I dropped $40 on it fast (advice for those shopping with STK: These clowns attempted to charge me nearly $30 for shipping until I had to go in and manually downgrade the method). I paid, got my book, it sat on my dresser until a recent trip to the hospital and guess what? It blows. There is not a single redeeming thing about this absolutely awful piece of shit book. Everything about it screams that it was the work of someone trying their hardest to be shocking and edgy while forgetting everything that made the original film work. Silent Night, Deadly Night takes so many liberties with the source material that I’m going to list them all in the hopes that curious readers won’t drop $200 to $400 (current eBay asking price) to find out what all the fuss is about. Forgive me, this is not easy but the Lord’s work never is. In this case you’re not getting a sample, you’re getting a tirade.


Nearly an entire chapter is dedicated to Billy’s masturbation habit and addiction to porn videos. Come to think of it, there’s at least two moments in the book where a character is masturbating to porno. Sister Margaret, who in the film was depicted as the only decent character yet essentially powerless and unable to stop the madness, is obsessed with the taste of Billy’s semen. According to the author of this book, Billy ejaculates every time he murders someone so the good Sister scours the floors for jizz in the aftermath of the massacre at Ira’s Toys. The deadly Santa who murders Billy’s parents is not only given a name (Mick Bottoms) but yet another boring addiction to pornography and masturbation. What worked as a frightening mystery, the fact that he could have been anyone, has now been ruined. Good going, guys! The gang of Christmas carolers seen for a split second before Linnea Quigley and that dude from The Karate Kid get killed turn out to be a roving gang of coke heads who offer Billy a line before being slaughtered. Quigley’s sister Cindy is depicted as a closet (literally) sadist and potential murderess who plays games of “Autopsy and Amputation” on Barbie dolls and stray animals. Ooh, shocking! In a new scene added for the novelization, Billy goes on a rampage in a video store for the immoral act of carrying adult videos. What a desperate and cheap bid for nostalgia! After Billy is shot by Capt. Richards at the orphanage on Christmas Day, what could have been a poignant ending for this book is ruined by Sister Margaret unbuckling Billy’s Santa suit and performing fellatio upon his corpse. The absolute worst and one of the most tasteless things about this piece of shit is the implication that Pamela (Billy’s co-worker and unrequited love) is secretly enjoying being raped by Andy the stockroom manager when Billy snaps and goes on his murderous rampage. This blatant attempt to get a good review from Ultra Violent magazine is offensive and wrong-headed on so many levels that it makes this reviewer wonder if [author] Armando Muñoz has ever so much as touched a naked female breast in his life. There’s scores more lame alterations to the plot and nothing that justified the high price tag. I got it cheap and still feel ripped off. As a result of having my time wasted by this horrible book, I’m never ordering a thing from Stop The Killer again and would advise others to do the same lest they be encouraged to incur more damage. The original Silent Night, Deadly Night is already transgressive and dangerous enough without needing to be deliberately shocking for the sake of it. This is what happens when a generation of Troma fans become the creative vanguard. Avoid this book and any other ripoff this company puts out.


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Written by David, Comptroller of Your Last Scrap of Existence

Silent Night, Deadly Night (2023)
Armando Muñoz
Stop The Killer
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