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Stories written by Stanley Stepanic
Nosis (Existential Pinocchio Nose Murder by Vincenz Neuhaus)

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Nosis (Existential Pinocchio Nose Murder by Vincenz Neuhaus)

  We need more existential nose fiction in the world. Ever since the great one, Nikolai Gogol, conceived of a living nose tale the world has forever attempted to come out of his nostrils and do better. I am happy to say that quest has finally been completed by +5 to charisma animation paladin Vincenz […]

Oblivion Gate – Wisdom of the Grave (Yay I’m Depressed Now Funeral Doom)

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Oblivion Gate – Wisdom of the Grave (Yay I’m Depressed Now Funeral Doom)

  How long’s it been since I covered doom of the funeral variety? A quick search reveals it was either two months or two years. Anyway, here’s some more, though Finland’s Oblivion Gate is yet another band I’ve covered this past month that defies a clear definition. “Doom” does not really suffice, nor does “funeral.” […]

Lord Vigo – Danse De Noir (Grandiose VHS Doom Metal with Robots)

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Lord Vigo – Danse De Noir (Grandiose VHS Doom Metal with Robots)

  Here’s something I’ve said a lot: “God I hated this at first.” Definitely said that here. I see “epic” used with anything, especially doom metal, which already has its own problems with pretension, and I just turn my head away. How dare you guys add epic to that? Are you crazy?! These guys are […]

Lebenssucht – -273​,​15°C (Now I’m Legit Suicidal Black Metal)

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Lebenssucht – -273​,​15°C (Now I’m Legit Suicidal Black Metal)

  Man the pain just bleeds off of the self-inflicted cuts of this one, phew. Proper direction, vertically, along the length of the veins, goddamn… I’m seriously suicidal now, for show at least. Depressive Suicidal Black Metal (DSBM) doesn’t get the hype it needs sometimes. Maybe it’s too legitimately scary to some, I don’t know, […]

Perdition Temple – Sacraments of Descension (That Florida Thing)

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Perdition Temple – Sacraments of Descension (That Florida Thing)

  So how exactly did that Florida death metal thing start? Like how is it a certain place in the world just becomes associated with something like that? Seriously I want to know, and I don’t want name-dropping to explain it, either. “Well, acktvally…Nocturnus, you know, uh…and then Killing Addiction, uh…” STHU, I know who […]

Sign of Evil – Psychodelic Horror (Blackened Goth Punk, I Think)

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Sign of Evil – Psychodelic Horror (Blackened Goth Punk, I Think)

  Phew almost missed this one I say. It just so happened that the limited 7″ promo came in el email and I was like wut how I have no hear? Whatever, here it is anyway, whatever it is, I really don’t know to be honest. So Chile is no stranger to some of the […]

Lutharö – Wings of Agony (Melodic Toddler Death Metal)

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Lutharö – Wings of Agony (Melodic Toddler Death Metal)

  Yaaaaaaaaahhhhh (with a bit of fluctuating). That’s practically how all these albums start out, those scream from the heart vocals, I just can’t mimic the “epic” guitars and such properly with words so add those too. But damn does it feels moderately good this time for some reason WTF. I’m not sure I can […]

Surge – Demo 2020 (Ungentrified Noise Punk)

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Surge – Demo 2020 (Ungentrified Noise Punk)

  After deciding against one of the albums I had in the queue for review this week I was like, man I need some punk you know? So I dug around and this one popped up out of an unmarked grave. Lol wow. I’m not even sure where to begin with it, even though in […]

Balmog – Pillars of Salt (Bearded Occult Black Metal)

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Balmog – Pillars of Salt (Bearded Occult Black Metal)

  Yeah now we got some Spain up in this. When it comes to metal, Spain kills. And I don’t think I’ve heard occult black metal killed as much as I have from Spain. I mean so killed it’s kulled, plus the dudes doing it usually have these epic and genuinely scary beards they flit […]

Dodenbezweerder – Vrees de toorn van de wezens verscholen achter majestueuze vleugels (Holy Shoiss SO LONG TITLE Ambient Black Metal)

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Dodenbezweerder – Vrees de toorn van de wezens verscholen achter majestueuze vleugels (Holy Shoiss SO LONG TITLE Ambient Black Metal)

  Holy piss what a title this is. At least it translates well, but I’ll leave that up to you because I don’t want to waste any more space, goddamn. As I sit here with disease looming, stuff like this just sits so well. Part of me digs that classic black metal sound in almost […]