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Zebadiah Crowe – Host Rider (Non-Sucking Ministry Black Metal)

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Zebadiah Crowe – Host Rider (Non-Sucking Ministry Black Metal)

  I had no idea what I was in for with this. It could have went so many ways and even the way it goes has me confused, lol. Metallum has Zebadiah Crowe pathetically listed as “black metal” and that sounds to me that whoever made the entry just gave up and said “well this […]

Valdrin – Effigy of Nightmares (Complexities of Melodic Black Metal)

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Valdrin – Effigy of Nightmares (Complexities of Melodic Black Metal)

  Hmm have I ever listened, or rather, cared about melodic black metal on here before? I can’t remember, honestly, so whatever. Valdrin come from the asphalt wastes of Ohio, where the highway tolls look like they were built in the 1960s but they’re unfortunately charging 3020 fees. Where large, pointless fields of corn open […]

Mordhell – Graveyard Fuck (Unwashed Human Body Black Metal)

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Mordhell – Graveyard Fuck (Unwashed Human Body Black Metal)

  This is one of those albums where you’re like “whelp, here we go,” because it absolutely does not give two shits how you feel and it’s telling you immediately what it’s about. It does it in a fairly open, yet peaceful way as well. The title’s clear, but the cover, which only hints at […]

Tithe – Penance (No One Will Like You Metal)

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Tithe – Penance (No One Will Like You Metal)

  At first I was getting annoyed by all the Jef Whitehead covers I was seeing in 43% of the promos I’ve had come in (that’s exact math) and then I scoped this one and was like “okay, I get it.” What a perfect arrangement! And what a great example of how cover art can […]

Evoker – Evil Torment (Love Hate Relationship Death Metal)

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Evoker – Evil Torment (Love Hate Relationship Death Metal)

  Though the creeping beast grave cover by Skaðvaldur is cool, I was completely disinterested in Evoker’s new EP, Evil Torment, when I started to listen. Ugh…more death metal…I thought, and let it churn and grumble in the background as I did other things, barely paying attention…at first. But somehow it began to chew away […]

Vandal Moon – Black Kiss (Post-Punkwave Lovechild)

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Vandal Moon – Black Kiss (Post-Punkwave Lovechild)

  It always annoys me so listen up you guys. Send me more promos like this. Gawsh why do bands of this type seem to be so poorly promoted? Maybe it’s the focus we used to have on metal all the time, I don’t know. Seeing our metal focus long ago they say “oh that’s […]

Violent Hammer – Riders of the Wasteland (Caveman Metal)

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Violent Hammer – Riders of the Wasteland (Caveman Metal)

  With a name like Violent Hammer you expect, and discover, that these guys aren’t hear to waste any time smashing you into the ground. They’ve done their time with demos and lineup changes and now it’s just going to be what it is. They’re probably cavemen, too, and I’m sure they gorge themselves daily […]

Close the Hatch – Modern Witchcraft (Pls Better Name Sludgegaze)

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Close the Hatch – Modern Witchcraft (Pls Better Name Sludgegaze)

  I have to say this band has one of the worst freaking names I’ve ever heard. No one can beat Clouds Taste Satanic, though, but this is getting close let me tell you. Like what? Close the bomb shelter hatch? Is this a mouth reference like “down the hatch” when you eat? What are […]

Henry Kane – Age of the Idiot (Conglomerate Crust Metal)

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Henry Kane – Age of the Idiot (Conglomerate Crust Metal)

  I feel like the promos I’ve been receiving, the ones I’ve selected anyway, have really come in the perfect order. I’ve had a great sampling of noise, heavy metal, punk, etc., and now add to that this slab with some crust stuff and we’re pretty much filling out a memoir. And this is rather […]

Obnoxious Youth – Mouths Sewn Shut (Superdeformed Speed Metal)

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Obnoxious Youth – Mouths Sewn Shut (Superdeformed Speed Metal)

  This is the kind of stuff I live to review, if you can call that living. I laugh and stare from above as the pathetic provincial sites of the world attempt to draw some sorts of band comparisons or pathetically toss out tag after stale tag in an attempt to ground their meaningless words. […]